So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband just before Christmas 11 years ago suddenly. Grieving is normal. You can’t hold your feelings in. It’s something that you have to go through. Everyone grieves differently. The first anniversary of my husband’s death, my best friend through a pajama party for me and a couple friends and family members. She made lasagna and someone brought drinks an dessert. It was nice out, so we went in the back yard and hit golf balls into the woods in his honor ( we both played, but I was a rookie) My daughters and grandchildren let off balloons out in the country with messages on them. Stick with family and friends, and let them help, or just be there. Your mom will always be there with you. I don’t know how I would have done without them all. And God. 🥰🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻